Have you ever become so entangled with service that you began to forget Who it was you were serving? Do you ever turn every corner just to have yet another weakness stare you in the face? This sums up the past few months of my life. God is teaching me a difficult lesson...a lesson of my nothingness and lack of humbleness. I've always hoped to do big things with my life, live out an amazing missionary story, do something heroic, etc...all that sap. But lately I've realized the beauty in being a servant and living out a natural relationship with my Savior and Maker. Effective Service springs from a humble heart seeking to know the heart of God. What makes Him smile? What makes Him sad? What makes Him angry? These are the questions we should be asking.
I am in my Senior year at Central but by no means do I feel ready to figure out what's next. In fact, due to my own inability to balance my schedule in an efficient way I will not be graduating in the Spring. I've opted to lessen my hours next semester and go part-time for the Fall sememester of 09'. I am disappointed in myself, but I feel this is the best option right now.
I've been attempting to fix my problems and my weaknesses before focusing on my relationship with God, and what a sorry mess that makes because it DOESN'T WORK. Right now I'm in the process of uncluttering this heart of mine and filling it with things that matter to my Lord Jesus Christ. If you read this will you pray for me? I prayed for humbleness and it's painful to realize how selfish I am. Mr. Reese once said, "Humbleness is desiring to make another Queen instead of yourself. It's making another look better than yourself." I am so very far from this, and it is a rare and beautiful person who lives this out.
I want to lose myself, but this is not done in a day.
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1 comment:
hi becky,
i absolutely loved reading this [and your other posts, as well]. it really struck deep within my heart that it is about who we serve, not what we do or how we do it. our relationship with Him is so important, but sometimes i think our focus shifts away from that too much. i think God's really working on me in regards to this and i feel that He really spoke to me through your beautiful words.
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